Sunday, September 23, 2012
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Saturday, September 15, 2012
#1: GET OVER THE PAST
Over 99% of the fear you will experience in this lifetime is not from any real imminent danger. The mind loves to re-think about the past you lived and then project them into the present. Train your mind to focus on the present and forget about your past. Stop beating yourself up over something that happened one year ago!
Usually, no real drama lies in the present moment. Your fear only exists in your thoughts about the future, such as your fear of losing your loved one after he or she had one stroke. That moment is in the past, so now you have the duty to think positive. Life in your head is conceptualized, analyzed, thought-created reality that leaves you susceptible to all sorts of imagined future fears.
The present moment should be all that exists. In doing so, you are setting youself free from your fear.
#2: LOOK DEEP INTO YOUR FEAR
Okay, you should look deep into your fear, and by this I mean you should determine what exactly is causing it. Be honest with yourself and let your defence barriers down. What are you most afraid of and why? Chances are, the direct “fear” is not what you’re afraid of at all. You are afraid of the relevant issues surrounding it. If you’re afraid of doing public speaches, you may just be afraid of saying the wrong thing and being laughed at. This, however, does not make you any less of a human being. Examine what makes you afraid and remind yourself that you’re going to be okay.
#3: GO WITH YOUR FEAR
With fear, you can can either resist it or you can flow with it. By resisting fear, you’re just strengthening it. By flowing with fear, you’re weakening it and eventually you can ignore it. This is the outcome you want, so remember to “Go with the flow”.
#4: TRUST YOURSELF
Trusting yourself when you live in fear is very important because it gives you the significance on your life. Some may believe that love erases fear. This is not always the case. Some fears, such as childhood trauma, need to be assisted with through clinical counselling. It allows you to get insight on what is really bothering you and how to go about addressing it. Trust is the antidote to fear and this trust is simply a trust in life. You should trust that life is what you need for your highest growth and evolution to occur. Everything has a reason, as my mother told me. We may not understand it right away, but it’s there. We just need to trust ourselves.
#5: ACT ON YOUR FEAR
Most often, this can be a very dreadful thing. You may not be ready to face your fear. Perhaps, you need to face your fear with someone you trust and is close to you. For example, if you fear of taking the elevator, go with a friend to the elevator and bush the button to open the door. Now, keep the door open and walk out of the elevator. You will have a feeling of complete relief. Next, you and your trusted companion can go to the next stage and take the elevator one floor up. After that, you can try taking the elevator alone. Remember that overcoming a fear takes patience and trust on your part.
#6: SHIFTING YOUR FOCUS
When you focus on negativity and on your fear, you are attracting more negative energy into your life. Ever notice how positive, confident people attract more people of the like? Fear can’t survive in the high vibration. Always focus on positive energies and outcomes. Don’t let fear take your energy away.
Also, you’re disconnecting yourself from what really is the reality when you focus on your fear and what it may do to you. Fear perpetuates the illusion of separation so it makes a situation appear more dramatic than it really is. Re-connect with yourself and surround yourself around positive people. You will see a change and you will approve of it.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Whether it is becoming plugged into our identity, quitting alcohol or even becoming more confident, our worry of what people think can really affect us. From the jobs we choose, to the people we date and the risks we take, we often limit our actions through fear of criticism or judgment from others.
This is a serious issue, and a problem many people experience, therefore I’ve taken my personal experience and the advice of others to reveal the secrets to not caring what people think.
Why we Care what people Think
First of all, I want to say that sometimes caring what people think is not a bad idea; the part of our mind that produces this fear is often in place to protect us. For example, if we didn’t care what anybody thought then we might go out and kill somebody or run through shopping centers completely naked. These are extreme examples but should help you understand why the mindset is in place.
I’ve spent months trying to understand why we care what people think, and as (surprisingly) usual, the answer is relatively simple and the heart of what this website is about. The reason we care what people think is because we base our identity on their judgments of us, positive or negative. Because we think that part of our identity is how people view us (funny, cool, confident, shy) then we must protect that so that our identity is not affected. "What people say about you is none of your business." - Sean Stephensen
Of course, your identity is not what people think of you, it is just…you. If you are doing something that makes you feel guilty within, then this is something you will have to deal with beforehand.
How to (partially) not Care what People Think
Personally, I don’t think it is possible to completely stop caring what people think of us, and I don’t think that is such a bad thing. We are social creatures and that is how we learn, if we are acting like an idiot and someone notices then informs us, we may realise that we could have been acting more appropriately.
I realise that this is a very important topic to a lot of people – myself included – and therefore I have gone into detail with the following information to ensure that there is enough content to answer most questions and concerns.
Imagine how different the world would be if we could all push to do the things we want to do, be the people we want to be and live how we want to live. Imagine how different the world would be if we were all plugged in…that is the aim of this business.
1. Stop Over-thinking
Although this is a website about empowering the readers, you are not the most important person in the world, at least not to others. It is probably in the majority of occasions that you think you are being judged where people don’t actually care for the thing you are worrying about. Do you judge every single person that you meet, probably not.
If you do, you might want to sort out that side of your life first as there’s no wonder you care what people think of you. The best way to test it is to push your limits a little, do something that is a bit out of the ordinary for you and see how people react. Chances are that only your “friends” might notice the change and make comments, but a random stranger really won’t care.
2. Put things into perspective
To people that aren’t naturally concerned what others think about them, having an issue with it seems quite strange or even silly. The reason is that when you put ‘issues’ like this under the microscope you can see they are really not worth having.
You only get ONE chance at life in the physical world and you are going to allow other people’s thoughts make it less enjoyable?
Sounds silly now doesn’t it.
Apart from the fact that life really is too short to worry about things like this, the other aspect is that people’s feelings change. For example, say one moment people insult you for wearing yellow trainers, therefore you think they shouldn’t be worn and that is the last time you wear them. What if this persons opinions change, and they start wearing yellow shoes themselves; is that the only time you’ll put your trainers back on?
I used to know a boy who was bullied for growing his hair long, yet within 6 months, more than half the boys in my year (including those who insulted him) grew theirs as well. People change their minds, so what they judge you on now might not matter in the future. Are you going to wait until something is deemed cool or acceptable to be the person you want to be? Hopefully questions like this help you put things into perspective.
3. Be confident in your actions
Seeing as it’s likely we’ll always have some thought towards the feelings of others, what if we could really eliminate the amount of times it happens? Well, you can. The trick, if you want to call it that, is to simply be more confident in the decisions and actions you are taking.
Have you never seen someone that might be wearing something out of the ordinary or acting different to the surrounding crowd but things just seem normal and they aren’t being judged?
If you are wearing yellow shoes and are clearly uncomfortable in your choice then people are going to target you because they can see that and they probably want to feel good about themselves. However, if you can wear the shoes with pride and confidence, whilst clearly not caring what other people think then you’ll notice the negative reactions to be very small if any.
4. Learn to control your emotions
When you start to try things like pushing your limits or simply being more confident, you will undoubtedly have mixed emotions in your head. From stress, worry and fear, to relief and happiness, it can be a bit of a mind roller coaster; that is where controlling your emotions comes in.
The simple practice I learned from Eckhart Tolle goes a bit like this:
- Be conscious of an emotion inside you i.e. fear or worry
- Observe it within your mind
- Notice that if you are observing it, it can’t be a part of you
- Watch the emotion disappear
As soon as you observe an emotion, you are separating yourself from it and thus it can no longer exist.
5. Accept yourself for who you are
If you are constantly judging yourself then there will be no doubt to the fact that you’ll judge what other people think of you. The main cause for this is often self-limiting beliefs or society has made you think there is something wrong with you. Understandably, accepting yourself is not the easiest thing to do but there are things that help.
First of all, think of all the things that you don’t like about yourself and write them down. Now, look at them more closely and see if there is a possibility to change them. For example, if you are thin and don’t like that, then look at ways in which you can gain weight and bulk up. However, If you wish you were taller, it’s not exactly something you can change. For this, look at what could be worse, for example if you are 5″ 7′ and really don’t like that, just think that at least you are not 8″ 7′ or even 5″. You might not be at your perfectly desired height but there are people “worse off”.
These things are more of a temporary solution, as if you constantly look towards helping yourself by seeing people who are worse off or looking to change yourself, you can never accept you. As time goes by and you realise how unimportant the things you thought were, actually aren't and things get easier and your level of caring will plummet rapidly.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Are you waiting for life events to turn out the way you want so that you can feel more positive about your life? Do you find yourself having pre-conditions to your sense of well-being, thinking that certain things must happen for you to be happier? Do you think there is no way that your life stresses can make you anything other than “stressed out” and that other people just don’t understand? If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you might find yourself lingering in the land of negativity for too long!
The following are some tips to keep positive no matter what comes your way. This post will help you stop looking for what psychologists call “positivity” in all the wrong places! Here are the ten essential habits of positive people.
1. Positive people don’t confuse quitting with letting go.
Instead of hanging on to ideas, beliefs, and even people that are no longer healthy for them, they trust their judgement to let go of negative forces in their lives. Especially in terms of relationships, they subscribe to The Relationship Prayer which goes:
I will grant myself the ability to trust the healthy people in my life …To set limits with, or let go of, the negative ones …And to have the wisdom to know the DIFFERENCE!
2. Positive people don’t just have a good day – they make a good day.
Waiting, hoping and wishing seldom have a place in the vocabulary of positive individuals. Rather, they use strong words that are pro-active and not reactive. Passivity leads to a lack of involvement, while positive people get very involved in constructing their lives. They work to make changes to feel better in tough times rather than wish their feelings away.
3. For the positive person, the past stays in the past.
Good and bad memories alike stay where they belong – in the past where they happened. They don’t spend much time pining for the good ol’ days because they are too busy making new memories now. The negative pulls from the past are used not for self-flagellation or unproductive regret, but rather productive regret where they use lessons learned as stepping stones towards a better future.
4. Show me a positive person and I can show you a grateful person.
The most positive people are the most grateful people. They do not focus on the potholes of their lives. They focus on the pot of gold that awaits them every day, with new smells, sights, feelings and experiences. They see life as a treasure chest full of wonder.
5. Rather than being stuck in their limitations, positive people are energized by their possibilities.
Optimistic people focus on what they can do, not what they can’t do. They are not fooled to think that there is a perfect solution to every problem, and are confident that there are many solutions and possibilities. They are not afraid to attempt new solutions to old problems, rather than spin their wheels expecting things to be different this time. They refuse to be like Charlie Brown expecting that this time Lucy will not pull the football from him!
6. Positive people do not let their fears interfere with their lives!
Positive people have observed that those who are defined and pulled back by their fears never really truly live a full life. While proceeding with appropriate caution, they do not let fear keep them from trying new things. They realize that even failures are necessary steps for a successful life. They have confidence that they can get back up when they are knocked down by life events or their own mistakes, due to a strong belief in their personal resilience.
7. Positive people smile a lot!
When you feel positive on the inside it is like you are smiling from within, and these smiles are contagious. Furthermore, the more others are with positive people, the more they tend to smile too! They see the lightness in life, and have a sense of humor even when it is about themselves. Positive people have a high degree of self-respect, but refuse to take themselves too seriously!
8. People who are positive are great communicators.
They realize that assertive, confident communication is the only way to connect with others in everyday life. They avoid judgmental, angry interchanges, and do not let someone else’s blow up give them a reason to react in kind. Rather, they express themselves with tact and finesse. They also refuse to be non-assertive and let people push them around. They refuse to own problems that belong to someone else.
9. Positive people realize that if you live long enough, there are times for great pain and sadness.
One of the most common misperceptions about positive people is that to be positive, you must always be happy. This can not be further from the truth. Anyone who has any depth at all is certainly not happy all the time. Being sad, angry, disappointed are all essential emotions in life. How else would you ever develop empathy for others if you lived a life of denial and shallow emotions? Positive people do not run from the gamut of emotions, and accept that part of the healing process is to allow themselves to experience all types of feelings, not only the happy ones. A positive person always holds the hope that there is light at the end of the darkness.
10. Positive person are empowered people – they refuse to blame others and are not victims in life.
Positive people seek the help and support of others who are supportive and safe.They limit interactions with those who are toxic in any manner, even if it comes to legal action and physical estrangement such as in the case of abuse. They have identified their own basic human rights, and they respect themselves too much to play the part of a victim. There is no place for holding grudges with a positive mindset. Forgiveness helps positive people become better, not bitter.
How about you? How many habits of positive people do you personally find in yourself? If you lack even a few of these 10 essential habits, you might find that the expected treasure at the end of the rainbow was not all that it was cracked up to be. How could it — if you keep on bringing a negative attitude around?
I wish you well in keeping positive, because as we all know, there is certainly nothing positive about being negative!
By. Judy Belmont
By. Judy Belmont
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Stop watching TV news! The same issues that apply to newspapers apply to TV news. And there is one more caution in addition… When you go to sleep at night, the mind starts processing the last things it was exposed to. So, what’s the dumbest thing a person can do just before they go to sleep? WATCH THE TV NEWS!!! Stop watching it.
Stop seeking the negative on the internet! Ever hear the expression, “You get what you focus on”? If you seek out negativity, you find it and it becomes your reality. I had a friend who, as Y2K approached, was absolutely convinced that the world would come to an end (almost literally). Every night, he would spend hours on the internet reading about all the terrible things that were sure to happen at the stroke of midnight. He pleaded with me to stockpile food and water. He never spoke to me again after January 1, 2000. He really believed all his fears would come to fruition. He had sought out and focused on the negatives and came to believe them. Don’t dwell on seeking out and reading about negatives.
Stop hanging around negative people! Ever notice that all the folks with negative, small-minded attitudes always hang out together and all the successful, big-minded people hang out together as well? Coincidence? NO! Remove yourself from the negative crowd. Avoid negative people as much as possible.
Start hanging around positive people! Positive association is one of the keys to success. Positive association leads to creativity, partnerships, solutions, and bigger dreams. Mark Twain once said, “Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”
Start reading! It’s often said that the books you read and the people you associate with determine where you will be in five years. Where do you want to be? Start reading books about people you admire. Read personal growth books, books on success principles, books about others who overcame challenges, and motivational books.
Start listening! Start using your windshield time as a time to learn and grow. Instead of mindlessly listening to music or talk on the radio, pop in a tape or CD. Listen to audio books, motivational CD’s, or even music that lifts and energizes you. Create a mix of music on tape or CD that gets you and your attitude fired up for that next meeting, presentation, or prospect.
By acquiring, maintaining, and protecting a positive attitude, you will see your success grow and your enjoyment of life improve. You’ll become more attractive (in every way) and will increasingly find other like-minded people to be around.
By. Michael Beck
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Have you ever been hurt so badly that you thought you’d never come out on the other side? Perhaps you’re still holding onto that grief. If you are, then it’s time to learn how to let go of past pain. You deserve to let it go and learn how to move forward with your life.
Holding onto past pain and anguish is a kind of self-inflicted torture that can cause serious health risks as well as emotional scarring. The truth is, when you cling to the past, you’re internally changing your present.
How can something you’ve kept inside for so long just be let go? It’s not an easy task, but it can be done with a little effort and self-reflection.
Here are some ways you can let go of past pain and disappointment, so you can move forward with your head held high:
1. Know what’s holding you back. What are you holding onto and why? Identify the things you’re keeping inside that you shouldn’t be.
• For example, maybe your best friend betrayed you in a way that broke your trust. Recognize this and figure out a way to finally deal with it. Get in touch with them again, then explain the pain they’ve caused.
• They may not even be aware they did anything to upset you. Whether or not they apologize isn’t important. While it may be nice, you can’t control others or force them to say sorry. However, by simply voicing your feelings, you are finding closure from the hurtful situation.
• Getting closure on something that was left open-ended can make a huge difference in letting things go.
2. Talk it out. If the person who caused the hurt is still in your life, talk to them about the way they made you feel. If that person isn’t available, try to talk to a close friend or professional therapist about the situation.
• Getting your emotions out in the open can help you get over any resentment or anger you may be feeling. Bottling up your emotions is never a good thing. Let it all out in a constructive way and you’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll feel.
3. Forgive and forget. It may sound easier said than done, but forgiving someone who has hurt you can be extremely therapeutic. Strive to let things stay in the past and don’t allow them to affect your present.
• Once you learn to forgive the people who’ve caused your pain, you will find it far easier to heal and move on with your life.
4. Make the first move. You’re in charge of your pain. You’re the one who carries it around with you and you’re the only one who can change its intensity. It’s up to you to take control of the pain and take the first step towards making yourself feel better.
• Acknowledge that your pain is real and that a positive solution exists.
• Confront the cause of the pain and do everything in your power to get rid of it.
• Confront the cause of the pain and do everything in your power to get rid of it.
The best way to move forward is to forgive the past. If you can’t change the past, you might as well learn to accept it and move on. You’ll be glad you did once you see just how bright your future can be when you regain control of your life.
Make the conscious decision, today, to live your life free from pain and resentment.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
If you’re going through tough times, remember that you always have a choice no matter what the circumstance may be. And the choice is this:
You can either choose to let panic feed on your mind and body, and let it grow stronger at the expense of your life.
Or, you can choose to see your situation in perspective, stay positive, and end the panic then and there.
But, how do you withstand the huge waves of a crisis, let alone being positive about it, while they are coming at you in breakneck speed? Here are a few ways to consider:
- Quit being a victim. It’s easier to assume the role of a victim during tough times than taking responsibilities for yourself. But doing so will only prolong your suffering and put off people who may be able to help you out. Letting go of the victim label also frees you from resentment and bitterness which will only jam up the creative energies you need to get out of the mess.
- Take stock with meditation. Meditate on what really happened and your response to the crisis. Learn to see the crisis for what it really is. Begin by practicing breathing meditation, and then ask yourself: “What has really happened in spite of what have been reported? Are my fears and worries real or imaginary? If they are real, what can I do about them?” Contemplate also on the nature of the crises you’ve experienced in the past. Understand that each one has a distinct start and end, and may even exhibit a cyclical trend.
- Focus on the positives. No matter how dire a situation may be, there are always some positives you can find in it. It’s our unwillingness to look at them that blind us to the brighter sides. In the book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts, the author Alex Pattakos recounted how he managed to pull a female driver to safety when he saw her school van crashed into a parked car. Then in an attempt to calm down the distraught woman, he asked her to list ten positive things about this accident. You probably thought he was insane, but they managed to list the positives which included the fact that the van and the car which she crashed into were both empty at the point of the accident. The attempt may seem absurd but it worked. The driver was calm enough to break into a smile and had probably saved herself from going into a shock. Now it’s your turn, think of ten positive things that would happen from this crisis.
- Give thanks. Having listed the positives you can think of, give thanks for the current situation as well as the things that you already have. For one, things could be a lot more worse! It won’t be easy to be thankful in the face of harsh challenges, but focusing on what you do have, instead of what you’ve lost, will put you in a better position to solve problems on hands than being in a self-pity and sorrowful state.
- Reach out to others. Do you know of people who might be badly affected by the crisis? Some may have lost their jobs because their companies were put out of business, while others have suffered huge losses due to stock market crash. Talk to them, listen, and if it’s within your means, offer your help, however small it may be. Helping others who are less fortunate than you also helps you to put things in perspective. And who knows, they may be the ones who lend you a helping hand when the table is turned the next time.
- Get enough sleep. During stressful time, we’re likely to skip on sleep, either voluntarily or not. But in reality, you’ll need more quality sleep during stressful times than ever so that you can remain energetic, clear-headed and focused to figure out your next steps.
- Limit bad news intake. Being constantly fed with gloomy news is enough to make even a dog panic for no reason. Hearing bad news once is enough, not ten times of the same news in different versions from every gadget that you own.
- Join forces with others. When bad things happen, it’s easy to become close-minded. But chances are, you’re not alone during difficult times. There are likely to be many people who feel the same way as you do even though they may not voice out loud. For instance, if you’re worried about job security, recruit the help of your boss by discussing the implications of the crisis on your job and what you can best do to keep it. Your boss will appreciate your proactive approach and may even be glad that there’s someone who shares the same sentiment. If you’re unemployed, besides making trips to recruitment and government agencies to cast your employment net, connect with others who are in the same boat as you. Take this lull period to expand your network. The many talented friends that you’ll make during hard times could become lifetime friendships, and even turn into unexpected help in the future. And if you’re an employer, this is a great time to boost your business with skillful and experienced people to help you ride out the crisis.
- Get close to nature. Finnish researchers found that spending time in your favorite outdoor area and woodlands are more relaxing and restorative than time spent in your favorite urban settings or city parks. Taking a mindful walk through the woods is also a great way to clear the mind and regain mental balance.
- Re-evaluate the meaning of your life. Tough times present hard but valuable lessons that force us to re-evaluate the meanings we’ve been attaching to our lives. Ask yourself:“Do the meanings and goals I’ve been living by before the crisis really worthwhile? Through this crisis, what are the things that I’ve found to be really important? And what are those that are not as precious as what I once thought to be?”By. Wee Peng Ho
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Self talk, the little voice in your head, the tape that runs over and over; these are all powerful words to describe how you feel about yourself. If your self esteem and self-talk tends to be filled with put downs and negative affirmations of the essence of you, then how can you ever love yourself? If you do not love yourself, how can you ever expect anyone else to love you? Love yourself first! Love yourself enough. Empower yourself and you do the work. The Universal Laws of Attraction suggest that you get and receive as much love as you give out.
1. Change your thoughts. What are you feeding your mind? Have a visual of a stop sign. When you begin calling yourself down, immediately stop your little voice and replace it with all the wonderful things that you are.
2. Change your energy. Garbage in, garbage out. What are you feeding your body? If your are feeding it garbage also known as junk food, then how can you expect to feel good about yourself? Feed your body with healthy foods such as fruits and veggies.
3. Change your behavior 1. What are you feeding your soul? Get an elastic band or something elastic and put it on your wrist. When you catch yourself and stop yourself from saying something negative about yourself or others, transfer it to your other wrist. Within one week of bringing this behavior to your conscious attention, you will likely be using more positive self talk.
4. Change your behavior 2. What are you feeding your emotions? Confront your fears. What is the worst possible thing that can happen to you if you do that? You will love yourself and be empowered with higher self esteem.
5. Random Acts of Kindness. Be an angel! Choose to do something for someone else, preferably a stranger. The research shows that when we do this we feel better about ourselves. Keep it a delicious secret that you can hug to yourself!
By. Sherrie Hay
- What are 4 things I say in my head when I get upset with myself? How can I consciously change that self talk habit?
- What are 4 things I can do to pamper myself so that I feel good today?
- One a scale of 1-10 how well do I love myself? 5 = average, 10 is top of the scale.
- What are 4 ways in which I can easily perform an angel act or Random Act of Kindness?
Take a chance performing Life’s dance
Love yourself first!
"Instead of looking for love, give it;
constantly renew it in yourself and
you will always feel its presence within you.
It will always be there smiling at you,
gazing on you kindly."
(Omraam Mikhael Aivanhov)