Free Yourself By “Letting Go” of What You Can’t Control.

We all want to feel like we’re in control of our life and are masters of our destiny.

Think of a time when things started to feel out of control in your life. How did you feel? What did you do?

Did you do everything in your power to regain control, and cling to the little bit of direction you had left?

Many people become consumed with what they can’t control and obsessed with making things different.

If we ever want true emotional well-being and spiritual freedom we have to learn to “let go” of what we can’t control.

When we dwell on what is out of our control, whether something that happened to us in the past, or something we’re awaiting in the future, it prevents us from experiencing the beauty in the moment and having peace of mind.

The paradox of control

The more we try to control things the less control we will experience. Things will inevitably be different than we expect and can change in an instant. When we can embrace that things are ever changing we begin to loosen our grip on the many areas of life we try to hold sway over.

When we desire control and don’t have it, it leads to worrying and agitation. We become irrational and start thinking about all the negative things that could happen. The more control we crave the more we begin to live from fear and desperation.

Here are a few ideas to help you “let go”.

Is it that you can’t or you won’t?

This is an important question to ask yourself to help you “let go” of the emotional burden that comes with a desire for control. Ask yourself, “Is this a situation where I can’t change or I won’t change.”

Sometimes we feel like we can’t make a change, “I can’t quite my job.” “I can’t give up this salary.” “I can’t get into college.” “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…” Statement such as these set us up to feel out of control.

Usually it’s not that we can’t, but that we won’t.

When we can accept we won’t change it makes it much easier to let go and move forward. From this perspective, we have a choice in the matter.

Accentuate the positive

When we don’t feel in control it’s easy to focus on what’s going wrong and how terrible things are. We start to feel disempowered and lose perspective on our capabilities.

We may start catastrophizing about all the horrible things that could happen and have trouble looking beyond the immediate situation.

By learning to focus on what’s going right and not letting our situation consume our thoughts, we not only experience less distress but will be able to think more clearly and problem solve more effectively.

Stay mindful and breath

Mindfulness is an approach to experiencing life moment by moment. When we are mindful we can deal with our situation without being judgmental or critical of ourselves or the circumstances.

When we feel unpleasant we don’t have to get caught up in this. We can relax and step back, instead of brooding in this negative state.

Work to be mindful of your breath. Just pay attention to your natural breathing. You can also be mindful of your senses, or your thoughts. The goal is to remain present and nonjudgmental of what is taking place.

Being aware can help simplify a situation and make if easier to deal with it.

Visualize your desired outcome

Visualization is one of the most powerful ways to overcome fears and push past uneasiness. All successful musicians, athletes, and performers visualize themselves completing the task that awaits them.

Visualization is different than simply day dreaming or fantasizing about an outcome we desire. We must take action and put in the work necessary to make a change.

Despite what is taking place at the time we can visualize a successful outcome. This will give us psychological and emotional support to stay motivated and able to persevere, and it will keep our thinking focused on what we desire and prevent us from feeling overwhelmed or panicked.

Keep a sense of humor

Have you ever noticed that when things aren’t going the way we planned, even the smallest things can start to cause stress? When under stress we become overly serious and neglect the many moments of pleasure and gratification that surround us.

Humor can really cut tension and lighten-up a difficult situation.

When things seem bleak looking at things from a humorous perspective can help lighten the load. Look for humor in serious situations and use this as a tool to release your grip on control.

Focus on what you can control

When life seems completely out of control, there is always something amidst the chaos that can help us regain a sense of control.

It may be something very small, and if nothing else we can always learn to control our attitude.

We can’t control everything that takes place, but we can learn to focus on what we can do personally and how we can make a change. This helps us move beyond a victim mentality and to feel empowered to take action.

By. Joe Wilner

How to Stop Obsessive Thoughts?

If you have reached a point in your life where you want to be rid of the continuous torture of the “thought generating” mind then it’s your good fortune. Obsessive or negative thoughts can make living miserable when you are plagued by them, but this very situation can become the invitation to transcend mind and be free of suffering forever.

Can you stop obsessive thoughts? – If you could it would be great, but the truth is that it’s slightly more complicated than just suppressing your thoughts which at-most you can do for a few seconds. Plus suppressing thoughts is even worse than enduring thoughts. It builds up a lot of negative energy inside.

So how to stop thinking horrible thoughts? The secret to stopping obsessive or negative thoughts is to detach from the mind. You cannot fight mind with the mind. That’s what this article is about. Let’s look at this in more detail.

If you believe that you are your mind, that’s a false notion again. If you are your mind then how can you observe the thoughts? So you must be separate from the mind to see what the mind is doing.

So the mind generates thoughts, which are mostly just energy forms. These thoughts pass through like clouds. We identify with some of these thoughts and obsess about them. So in truth all thoughts are just neutral energy forms, it’s “your” interest or association with the thoughts that makes them obsessive. If you can understand this truth, you have taken the first step towards getting rid of obsessive thoughts.

How to Stop Obsessive Negative Thoughts?

If you are asking this question, ask yourself another question – “is this question not another thought? It’s a thought about killing thoughts”. All your attempts at suppressing and stopping thoughts will fail because you will be using the mind to stop the mind. The police man and thief are both the mind, so how can the police man catch the thief?

So you cannot kill the mind by force. The mind dies its own death by the poison of disassociation.

What gives power to a thought? – Your interest. If you have no interest in a particular thought then it loses its hold over you. You can try this out now. Let the thoughts flow through your mind but don’t take interest in them. Just stay as a bystander or a watcher and let the thoughts float.

Initially you might have a hard time watching thoughts because of your inherent habit of associating with each thought that arises. It helps to know that you are not your thoughts, that thoughts are just energy forms created in the mind. Why does the mind create thoughts? No one knows – it’s just something it does, why bother. Do you ever ask why does the heart beat?

With a little practice you will get really good at watching thoughts and not involving yourself with them. You will stop giving power to thoughts by not giving them your interest. Thoughts die immediately when they are deprived of this fuel of interest. If you don’t associate with the thought or give power to the thought, it will wither away quickly.

What Are Thoughts?

Past events get stored as memories. Your mind conditioning and beliefs are also stored as memories. All this is unconscious storage; the mind does all this in auto mode. Perceptions and interpretations are created in the mind based on its past “external” conditioning and also its natural conditioning (genetics). These interpretations, perceptions and judgments come up as thoughts in the mind, and they can positive or negative depending on the mind’s conditioning. Thoughts are generated based on the past incidents/memories, future projections and interpretations on the present life situation. It’s like a computer trying to predict or conjure up projection based on the data it has collected so far.

When thoughts are negative in nature (thoughts of worry, anxiety, stress, lack, resentment, guilt etc) they produce resistance to the movement of your life, and this resistance is felt as suffering. Negative thoughts will always stand in resistance to the movement of your life, like blocks of stone in the midst of a swift current of water. Life is a stream of pure positive energy and hence any negative thought will stand in opposition to it, causing friction which is felt as suffering in the body.

The thoughts in your mind gain power from your attention and interest. Your attention is the fuel for your mind. So when you give attention to negative thoughts in the mind, you are unconsciously fueling it and thus attracting more momentum for these negative thoughts. The momentum of negative thoughts in your mind will slow down, and ebb away, automatically when you stop feeding your attention to it. Stay as an open space of awareness without contracting your attention on the negative thoughts of the mind, and soon they will lose their momentum.

You can focus on the positive thoughts generated in the mind, and thus develop a positive momentum in your mind. Every time your mind produces some positive thoughts, e.g thoughts of love, joy, excitement, abundance, beauty, appreciation, passion, peace etc, focus on it, milk it, and give attention to it. This will cause your mind to attract more positive thoughts and thus build a positive momentum. Whenever it thinks negatively, don’t give it attention or interest, this will cause the ebbing away of the momentum of negative thinking. It’s really that simple. Once you understand the mechanics of how thoughts gain momentum in the mind, you will be in total control of your state of being.

The Practice of Watching the Mind

All you need to do to get rid of obsessive thoughts is to watch the mind without getting involved. You will get really good at this with just a little practice. This practice, or “sadhana” as called in Hindu scriptures, is the root of awakening from the illusion of mind.

Without trying to understand this practice just implement it. The more you try to understand the more mind gets involved. Just watch the mind and you will soon see that you are not the mind at all. That the mind is like a machine in your head that generates thoughts based on your attention/interest. Be free of your mind by depriving it of your interest. This is the only direct path of becoming free of the mind.

Written by: Sen - CalmDownMind.com

Feel Less Frustrated When Stressed.

Often when people are stressed they feel more frustrated and emotionally reactive to events that would normally affect them less. In fact, increased frustration, irritability and sensitivity can be signs of burnout as well. If you find yourself feeling less patient, more frustrated, more emotional, and less able to handle the stresses of your life, there are several things you can do to feel better:

Here's How:

1. Find Quick Stress Relief
   Stopping your stress response relatively early on can help you to respond more calmly rather than reacting to stress in a way that you might regret. Quick stress relievers such as breathing exercises or Progressive Muscle Relaxation, for example, can calm you down and help you feel less frustrated and more able to handle what comes. Then you can take the next steps with a clearer head. Learn more about quick stress relievers so you can be prepared for what comes.
2. Change Your Attitude
   Much of whether or not we see something as stressful depends on our habitual thought patterns and how we process the world around us. For example, those who see things as under their control tend to be less stressed about what happens to them, as they see that they always have options for change. Studies have shown health benefits to optimistic ways of thinking as well. Learn more about how to develop a resilient state of mind, and you’ll feel less stressed.
3. Change Your Lifestyle
   If you feel yourself to be continually on edge, it’s possible that something needs to change in your life. If you cut down on commitments, take good care of your body, and make other healthy lifestyle changes, you’ll be dealing with less overall stress so you’ll be more effective at managing the stress that you do encounter. Read more about the most effective changes you can make to lead a healthy lifestyle.
4. Draw on Social Support
   Often people are helped by having the release and support of sharing their troubles with close friends, family or loved ones. While it’s not healthy to constantly complain about an endless list of woes, talking to a trusted friend about frustrations now and then (and returning the favor by being a good listener) can help you process what’s going on with your life, and enable you to brainstorm solutions. If you don’t have someone you’re comfortable sharing your situation with, seeing a therapist or starting a regular journaling practice have both been shown to have benefits as well.
5. Have Some Regular Stress Relief Activities
   To maintain a less stressed lifestyle, it’s important to have some regular stress relieving activities in your life. Those who regularly walk, meditate, or enjoy other stress relief activities in their lives tend to feel less stressed in general and less reactive to specific stressors that arise through the day.

       Elizabeth Scott, M.S.

Positive Attitude Tips.

Are you looking for positive attitude tips? Do you need help maintaining a sunny disposition and a glass half-full attitude? You can change your overall attitude much in the same way you can change your fitness level. It may feel challenging at first, but after a little attitude training you might actually find yourself feeling downright optimistic.

Surround Yourself With Positive People
If you find your friends and family are getting you down, schedule yourself such that you are too busy for the naysayers and only have time for those who help you see the sunnier side of life.

Meditate on Your Blessings
A mere 15 minutes a day of quiet meditation can help you feel centered and positive. Sit in a comfortable spot, focus on your breathing and repeat in your mind a list of your blessings. If your mind drifts to negative thoughts, simply replace that thought with a new positive thought. Don't indulge in worrying, venting or fuming during this exercise. Instead, focus on repeating words that make you feel good about your life.

Write Out a Gratitude List
Take the time to quick jot down a list of the positive things in your life. Write them out as fast as you can, without allowing yourself to think too long about any particular thing. After you're done, tuck the list in your pocket so you keep those positive thoughts with you for the rest of the day.

Stop Yourself When You Start to Complain
Police yourself when you find yourself saying negative things. Instead correct yourself by either amending any negative statements or changing the topic.

Listen to Someone Who Has It Worse Than You
If you're feeling down, have coffee with a friend or relative that needs a helping hand. By listening to their woes, you may see the positive things in your life more clearly.

Crack a Joke
Even gallows humor has its rightful place. Making a joke-and the very act of laughing-will help you feel better. Laughter therapy is formally practiced in some circles, with very positive reviews.

Practice Random Acts of Kindness
Become known for your generosity. Open doors for strangers, compliment your coworkers, bring in a platter of treats for your coworkers or share the bounty from your garden.

Eat Properly
Eat a healthy diet of fruit, vegetables, whole grains and lean meats; take vitamins, especially the B vitamins. Drink plenty of water, tea and juice. Indulge in a piece of dark chocolate once in a while. If you take care of yourself physically, you'll feel better emotionally.

Go For a Walk
Or a run. Or play a game of tennis. If you're physically active for 30 minutes, your body will release endorphins, which affect mood positively. Physical activity relieves tension and makes you feel better about yourself.

Give a Hug
It doesn't matter if you're comforting someone or just greeting someone, a hug will help you feel better about things. It will also probably help someone else feel more positive, too.

By: Rachel Mork

3 Simple Ways Gratitude Can Change Your Life – It Works!

What is the single biggest roadblock to your dreams?
Fear.
Is fear of the unknown, fear of losing control, or fear of making the wrong decision keeping you from the life you’ve been longing to live? Is your confidence being sucked dry by your fears?

I have the perfect antidote – gratitude.

The power of gratitude is unrivaled by any other emotion, even love. In gratitude there can be no fear. If you don’t believe me, the next time you are afraid or worrying about the future, stop and be grateful for anything, then notice what happens.
Just by thinking the words “I’m grateful for…” can change your entire outlook on life in that moment.

Do you allow your fears to overcome you, forcing you into the fetal position, distracting you from the power of truth that lies deep within your soul? Of course, if you were being attacked by a band of murderous thieves, gratitude most likely won’t save your life. But the real question is much more simple…are the fears holding you back the “save my life” kinds of fears?
Then why do you continue to allow them to rape your confidence, and steal your hopes, dreams and aspirations of who you want to be?

#1: The Power of Gratitude Doesn’t Equal The Value Of The Subject
The little things really do matter and they can be your building blocks to unwavering confidence. You can be grateful for big things like your health or a roof over your head. But you can also be grateful for a new episode of your favorite TV show or even ice cream in the refrigerator.
It doesn’t matter what you are grateful for, the effect is the same – you feel lighter, are more present and usually gain perspective on the fear that is trying to gain control of you. It’s the frequency level of gratitude itself, not the perceived importance of the object that makes the power shifts in your heart, mind, body and soul.  Sometimes just being aware how blessed you are to have the sight to see a bird fly can inspire a moment of gratitude.

#2: The Power of Gratitude Is Your Key To Success
John A Walsh, Senior EVP of ESPN recently told me, “The key to success is fearlessness combined with a commitment to being open to learning new things.”
While fear can be the catalyst for anger, it can also be a mechanism for massive transformation, as long as you are aware of it and learn to control it. One of the ways to be fearless is to be in a constant state of gratitude for everything that comes your way. See every roadblock as your friend – as if they are the universe’s way of helping you stop, regroup, get focused and centered.
Gratitude is the key to making this happen effortlessly. By managing your fears, you can move into a state of fearlessness and confidence to be open to new ideas and opportunities that come your way. Wait until you get really good at this and start taunting life to “bring it on”, because you are confident there is nothing you can’t handle and know on the other side of every great challenge is a huge space for celebrating.

#3: Gratitude Is Contagious
Just one dose of gratitude and your dance partners, “Ms. Worry Wart” and “Mr. What If”, fade into wimpy wall flowers. (Good riddance – they are the worst dance partners you could pick on the planet to ask to polka.)

Start tapping your toes to the tune of the three G’s: Gratitude, Grace and Giving.
Start each day and end each night with three affirmations of gratitude. Show grace to the people you love by being grateful for them, especially in moments when all you really want is for them to grovel for your forgiveness. Be grateful people in your life care enough about your opinion to argue with you by remembering the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.
It’s in your most stressful moments you should find ways to tap into gratitude not griping.
Believe every situation, person, and perceived slap in the face is there to serve YOU
Being grateful in times of duress isn’t always easy, until you see “it works.” Trust me, there are very few “push buttons” in life, but in this case, if you do nothing else today, find gratitude.
Try giving gift of gratitude to others and watch as it comes back tenfold. The light inside of you is dying to shine so glow with gratitude – gifting you and those around you into magical moments of greatness.

By. Lori Taylor

20 Bad Habits Holding Good People Back.

A change in bad habits leads to a good change in life…

Here are twenty bad habits many of us repeatedly struggle with:

1. Expecting life to be easy. – Nothing starts easy; everything begins at some level of difficulty.  Even waking up in the morning sometimes requires notable effort.  But one beautiful thing about life is the fact that the most difficult challenges are often the most rewarding and satisfying.
2. Overlooking your true path and purpose. – What really matters in life is not what we buy, but what we build; not what we have, but what we share with the world; not our capability but our character; and not our success but our true significance.  Live a life that makes you proud – one that matters and makes a difference.  Live a life filled with passion and love.  Read A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose.
3. Chasing after those who don’t want to be caught. – Do not chase people.  Be you, do your own thing and work hard on your passions.  The right people who belong in your life will eventually come to you, and stay.
4. Not asking for help when you know you need it. – No matter how far you’ve gone down the wrong road, you can always turn back.  Be STRONG enough to stand alone, SMART enough to know when you need help, and BRAVE enough to ask for it.
5. Letting one dark cloud cover the entire sky. – Take a deep breath.  It’s just a bad moment, or a bad day, not a bad life.  Everyone has troubles.  Everyone makes mistakes.  The secret of happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles.
6. Holding on to things you need to let go of. – Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things in life that should not be.  Sometimes letting go is what makes us stronger, happier and more successful in the long run.
7. Spending time with people who make you unhappy. – People can be cruel, and sometimes they will be.  People can hurt you and break your heart, and sometimes they will.  But only YOU can allow them to continuously hurt you.  Value yourself enough to choose to spend time with people who treat you the way you treat them.  Know your worth.  Know when you have had enough.  And move on from the people who keep chipping away at your happiness.
8. Not making time for those who matter most. – When we take things for granted, these things eventually get taken away.  Too often we don’t realize what we have until it’s gone.  Too often we are too stubborn to say, “I’m sorry, I was wrong.”  Too often it seems we hurt the ones closest to us by letting insignificant issues tear us apart.  Appreciate what you have, who loves you and who cares for you.  You’ll never know how much they mean to you until the day they are no longer beside you.
9. Denying personal responsibility. – You’re getting almost everything you’re getting right now based on the decisions you have made; and you will continue to receive the same things until you choose differently.  You always have some element of control.  There are always other options.  The choices might not be easy, but they are available.  You will not get a different result until you exercise a choice that forces you to grow by habit, by action, and by change.
10. Letting everyone else make decisions for you. – Never allow someone or something that adds very little to your life, control so much of it.  You’ve got to stop caring about what everyone else wants for you, and start actually living for yourself.  Let go of the people and things that continuously hold you back and no longer serve you, because you only get one shot at life.
11. Giving up who YOU are. – Remove yourself from any situation that requires you to give up any one of these three things:  1) Who you are.  2)  What you stand for.  3)  The goals you aspire to achieve.  Read Quitter.
12. Quitting as soon as things get slightly difficult. – An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward; and such is life.  When life is pulling you back with difficulties, it means it’s going to eventually launch you forward in a positive direction.  So keep focusing, and keep aiming!
13. Doing too much and pushing too hard, without pausing. – Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never find it, but because they never stop long enough to enjoy it.  Sometimes we are so focused on what we want that we miss the things we need most.
14. Discrediting yourself for everything you aren’t. – STOP discrediting yourself for everything you aren’t.  START giving yourself credit for everything that you are.
15. Running from current problems and fears. – Trust me, if everyone threw their problems in a pile for you to see, you would grab yours back.  Tackle your problems and fears swiftly, don’t run away from them.  The best solution is to face them head on no matter how powerful they may seem.  Either you own your problems and fears, or they will ultimately own you.
16. Constantly mulling over past hardships. – You’ll never see the great things ahead of you if you keep looking at the bad things behind you.  To reach up for the new, you must let go of the old.  You are exactly where you need to be to reach your goals.  Everything you’ve been through was preparation for where you are right now and where you can be tomorrow.
17. Denying your mistakes. – Remember that most honorable people of all are not those who never make mistakes, but those who admit to them when they do.  And then go on to do their best to make the wrong things right.
18. Expecting your significant other to be perfect. – Remember that you will never find a PERFECT partner to love you in the exact way you had envisioned, only a person who is willing to love you with all that they are.  Someone who will accept you for who you can and cannot be.  And although they will never be PERFECT, finding a partner like this is even BETTER.  Read The Mastery of Love.
19. Focusing on the negative. – Positive thinking isn’t about expecting the best thing to happen every time, it’s about accepting that whatever happens is good for this moment, and then making the best of it.  So stay positive, and hold on to what’s truly important.  Let your worries go.  No matter how you look at it, some outcomes just don’t make sense right away.  Choosing to carry on with your goals through this uncertainty is what matters.
20. Never allowing things to be good enough. – We are human.  We are not perfect.  We are alive.  We try things.  We make mistakes.  We stumble.  We fall.  We get hurt.  We rise again.  We try again.  We keep learning.  We keep growing.  And we are thankful for this priceless opportunity called life.      

               By. Marc Hack

40 Ways to let go and feel less pain.

There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. Here are 40 ideas to get started:

Let Go Of Frustration with Yourself/Your Life

1. Learn a new skill instead of dwelling on the skills you never mastered.

2. Change your perception—see the root cause as a blessing in disguise.

3. Cry it out. According to Dr. William Frey II, PH.D., biochemist at the Ramset Medical Center in Minneapolis crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress.

4. Channel your discontent into an immediate positive action—make some calls about new job opportunities, or walk to the community center to volunteer.

5. Use meditation or yoga to bring you into the present moment (instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.)

6. Make a list of your accomplishments—even the small ones— and add to it daily.You’ll have to let go of a little discontentment to make space for this self satisfaction.

7. Visualize a box in your head labeled “Expectations.” Whenever you start dwelling on how things should be or should have been, mentally shelve the thoughts in this box.

8. Engage in a physical activity. Exercise decreases stress hormones and increases endorphins, chemicals that improve your state of mind.

9. Focus all your energy on something you can actually control, instead of dwelling on things you can’t.

10. Express your feelings through a creative outlet, like blogging or painting. Add this to your to-do list and cross it off when you’re done. This will be a visual reminder that you have actively chosen to release these feelings.

Let go of Anger and Bitterness

11. Feel it fully. If you stifle your feelings, they may leak out and affect everyone around you—not just the person who inspired your anger. Before you can let go of any emotion you have to feel it fully.

12. Give yourself a rant window. Let yourself vent for a day before confronting the person who troubled you. This may diffuse the hostility and give you time to plan a rational confrontation.

13. Remind yourself that anger hurts you more than the person who upset you, and visualize it melting away as an act of kindness to yourself.

14. If possible, express your anger to the person who offended you. Communicating how you feel may help you move on. Keep in mind that you can’t control how to offender responds; you can only control how clearly and kindly you express yourself.

15. Take responsibility. Many times when you’re angry, you focus on what someone else did that was wrong—which essentially gives away your power. When you focus on what you could have done better, you often feel empowered and less bitter.

16. Put yourself in the offender’s shoes. We all make mistakes; and odds are you could have easily slipped up just like your husband, father, or friend did. Compassion dissolves anger.

17. Metaphorically throw it away; i.e., jog with a backpack full of tennis balls. After you’ve built up a bit of rush, toss the balls one by one, labeling each as a part of your anger. (You’ll need to retrieve these—litter angers the earth!)

18. Use a stress ball, and express your anger physically and vocally when you use it.Make a scrunched up face or grunt. You may feel silly, but this allows you to actually express what you’re feeling inside.

19. Wear a rubber band on your wrist, and gently flick it when you start obsessing on angry thoughts. This trains your mind to associate that type of persistent negativity with something unpleasant.

20. Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.

Let Go Of Past Relationships

21. Identify what the experience taught you to help develop a sense of closure.

22. Write everything you want to express in a letter. Even if you choose not to send it, clarifying your feelings will help you come to terms with reality as it is now.

23. Remember both the good and the bad. Even if appears this way now, the past was not perfect. Acknowledging this may minimize your sense of loss. As Laura Oliver says, “It’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.”

24. Un-romanticize the way you view love. Of course you’ll feel devastated if you believe you lost your soul mate. If you think you can find a love that amazing or better again it will be easier to move on.

25. Visualize an empowered single you—the person you were before meeting your last love. That person was pretty awesome, and now you have the chance to be him or her again.

26. Create a space that reflects your present reality. Take down his pictures; delete her emails from your saved folder.

27. Reward yourself for small acts of acceptance. Get a facial after you delete his number from your phone, or head out with friends after putting all her things in a box.

28. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it. “Loving myself means letting go.”

29. Replace your emotional thoughts with facts. When you think, “I’ll never feel loved again!” don’t resist that feeling. Instead, move on to another thought, like “I learned a new song for karaoke tonight.”

30. Use the silly voice technique. According to Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap, swapping the voice in your head with a cartoon voice will help take back power from the troubling thought.

Let Go Of Stress

31. Use a deep breathing technique, like ujayii, to soothe yourself and seep into the present moment.

32. Immerse yourself in a group activity. Enjoying the people in your life may help put your problems in perspective.

33. Consider this quotation by Eckhart Tolle: “Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.” Questioning how your stress serves you may help you let it go.

34. Metaphorically release it. Write down all your stresses and toss the paper into your fireplace.

35. Replace your thoughts. Notice when you begin thinking about something that stresses you so you can shift your thought process to something more pleasant—like your passion for your hobby.

36. Take a sauna break. Studies reveal that people who go to sauna at least twice a week for 10-30 minutes are less stressed after work than others with similar jobs who don’t.

37. Imagine your life 10 years from now. Then look 20 years into the future, and then 30. Realize that many of the things you’re worrying about don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.

38. Organize your desk. According to Georgia Witkin, assistant director of psychiatry at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, completing a small task increases your sense of control and decreases your stress level.

39. Use it up. Make two lists: one with the root causes of your stress, and one with actions to address them. As you complete these tasks, visualize yourself utilizing and depleting your “stress supply.”

40. Laugh it out. Research shows that laughter soothes tension, improves your immune system, and even eases pain. If you can’t relax for long, start with just ten minutes watching a funny video on YouTube.

By. Lori Deschene

Letting Go of Emotional Baggage.

"Emotions are simply reminders that we are alive." 

                        Melanie Moushigian Koulouris

Emotions...we all have them. 

Some of us are just more successful than others at dealing with them. When we don't deal with them, they hang around. Many of us have created some type of emotional baggage we carry around. Past experiences have created emotional responses and at times these old emotions can come back to haunt us and impact our current lives.

Although it might feel that way, emotions don't just come from out of the blue. Behind every emotion is a thought. So, a negative emotion is really just a symptom of a negative thought. We think we are being treated badly and get angry. We think we might fail and we feel fear. But few people take the time to identify the thoughts that are creating the emotions they experience. They may even criticize themselves for having feelings, or they blame others for creating the emotion, but don't make any real effort to try to uncover the root cause of the emotion.
Often the focus is on ways to "deal with" by overcoming the emotion. Some people use drinking, drugs, overeating or other addictive behaviors to handle their emotions. Others may use support groups, relaxation techniques, or exercise to deal with emotions. But regardless of whether we use a positive or negative method of dealing with the emotion, we are only dealing with the symptom and not the cause. Attempting to block or fight the emotion ignores the thought behind the emotion.
In order to really let go of the emotional baggage, we must change the thoughts behind those emotions. So we have to shift our focus and start first by identifying the reason for the emotion. What thoughts are causing us to feel the way we do? What are we doing to empower and retain that thought? Our thoughts are based on our beliefs, so we must determine if we truly believe the thought that we are having. If not, we can make the choice to replace that negative thought with a more positive thought.
Shakespeare said, "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
Our feelings then are really just a response to the stories we tell ourselves. These stories are the interpretations we bring to events that occur. These interpretations are our thoughts superimposed on events. And the thoughts about the events may or may not be true. So in reality, we are reacting to a life that is found only in our minds.
Letting go of anxiety and worry. Anxiety and worry are emotions that are frequently caused by our inability to foresee the future. So many things in life happen that are beyond our control, and we can't even see what will actually happen.
To begin to release anxiety and worry, we need to shift our focus and instead of thinking about what might happen, we can have thoughts about how we want to prepare so that we can deal with whatever happens. We can focus on what we want to bring to the experience. We can focus on how we want to interact with others. Changing our thinking to focus on our goals and priorities and making our decisions on the basis of those priorities (instead of what we think might happen or what we want to happen) can release us from the pain of worry.
Letting go of frustration. Many of us have very rigid ideas about how life is "supposed" to be. But things don't always work the way we want them to. We keep bumping up against the nature of the world and find ourselves frustrated. We can even create a "crisis" out of our inability to get our way.
To begin to release the frustration we feel, we can change our thoughts about what we expect from life. Release your attachment on the outcome of what you do and focus instead on what you are putting into your life. Use children as your example. Infants and children often get angry or frustrated when things don't go their way, but generally they get over it very quickly and try again or move on to something else.
Letting go of anger or resentment. Anger or resentment of others can be caused by the thought that other people "should" do things the way we want them to. Our desire to control other people and our opinions of how they should act can create these negative emotions. We need to change our thoughts about other people's behavior and we can change the emotions. Eliminate the "shoulds" and focus on how we want to interact with them.
We can also feel anger and resentment towards ourselves. The thought that we should be perfect or that we should know everything can cause us to have negative feelings about ourselves when we make a mistake or fail at something. Again, changing our expectations and our thoughts about mistakes can release these emotions. We can consider a failure or a mistake as a learning experience and not as a catastrophe.
Letting go of the victim mentality. Blaming others for what happens to us can create feelings of being a victim. Or we can blame a situation instead of considering that it is our reaction, our thoughts about the event that is causing the feeling. We need to accept responsibility for our lives and how we react instead of blaming others. Shift thoughts to recognizing your role in the situation and what you have learned or gained from the experience.
Letting go of disappointment. Disappointment can be a result of feeling that we don't measure up, that we aren't good enough. Climbing the ladder of success, whether in business or our social lives, involves trying to get more, get better, or be the best. We try to pull more money, power, or status into our lives in order to convince ourselves or others that we are enough. To release these emotions, we need to redefine our thoughts about what success means and let go of the need to be the best.
Gaining emotional freedom. What stops us from being emotionally free? We do. Pain and suffering exists when our thoughts don't match reality. We need to question our thoughts to determine what is true for us. Truth can open emotional wounds and heal them. We must evaluate the thoughts that are causing the pain and change them.
It is also important to truly feel our emotions and then let them go. Again, children can be our role models. You will notice that children are not afraid to express what they feel, but then they move on very quickly to other feelings. We must learn to really notice how we feel and completely experience the emotions. Acknowledge painful emotions, and take joy in the positive emotions. Then move on, past those feelings. Feelings that are repressed can come back to haunt us later, so that the feelings we have about a certain event or issue is actually a composite of the thoughts and feelings we have had in the past. For real emotional health, we need to be able to express our emotions at the right moment in the right way.

By. Sherry Dawson