Getting Out of Your Own Way.

Getting in your own way is all about how you relate to yourself. In addition to not managing your time effectively, there are many ways you can stop yourself from getting the most out of life—not enjoying what you have or have accomplished; not being able to get motivated, or finish what you begin; and having a negative focus, which leads to discouragement, anxiety, despair and even depression. 

Paralysis
When you aren’t able to get yourself motivated, to complete what you start, or to follow through when you need to, it’s called emotional paralysis. The main factors that lead to paralysis are Lack of Self-Trust, Being Outer-directed, Overwhelm, Perfectionism and Negative Thinking. Let’s look at each of these roadblocks, and what you can do about them:

Lack of self-trust:
When you don’t trust yourself, your own judgement, your intelligence, and your ability to manage yourself and make your own decisions, life is too frightening to move. Here’s an exercise abbreviated from the book "It Ends With You" to help you strengthen your self-trust. 

Steps to self-trust
1. Ask your own opinion. Frequently ask yourself: “What do I think about this? Do I like it? Does it make sense to me? Do I agree or disagree with the others?”
2. Listen to the answer. Listen to your opinions as you would to the ideas of a respected friend. Consider them, weigh them, and even discuss them with yourself from time to time. 
3. Repeat until it’s a habit. After a few weeks, you’ll become comfortable with your personal opinions, which will have a profound effect on what you do and how you act. Decision-making will be faster and easier, and you’ll feel much more secure in making decisions.

Being Outer-directed:
Knowing and acting on your own opinion is being inner-directed. Making decisions based on what others want or just reacting and responding to events is being outer-directed. You get along like that for a while, then you grind to a halt and become emotionally paralyzed. You must be the one in charge of your life—I believe it’s what we were designed to do, and I see every day what happens to people who don’t take charge of their thoughts, words and deeds. Once you know your own opinion, you need to act on it. The opinions of others are helpful input, but your decisions must be your own.

Overwhelm:
When you don’t take time to think clearly about the issues and problems in your life, and get mentally organized, you try to solve everything at once, and become overwhelmed and paralyzed. To overcome this problem, write down the thoughts that are racing through your head, make a list of everything that needs to be done, and prioritize. Then, pick one thing, break it down into steps, and begin doing the steps. You’ll find that organizing your thoughts like this makes everything much more manageable.

Perfectionism: The final paralyzer is wanting to do things so perfectly that nothing is good enough. To break the paralysis, lighten up on your demands of yourself. Be a supportive, encouraging friend to yourself, not a demanding boss.

Negative thinking
By far the biggest roadblock in your relationship with yourself and with life is negative thinking. Many of my clients are afraid that recognizing problems, difficulties and grief is the same as negative thinking, and therefore, they ricochet back and forth between pretending to be happy and feeling hopeless. 

Grieving is not negative thinking, it's an adjustment in feelings. If you allow yourself to acknowledge whatever feelings you have (anger, fear, sadness, joy) you’ll be able to feel real happiness when it comes. Negative thinking is actually scaring oneself. To latch on to only the negative things, to “catastrophize” about how awful things are or will become creates unnecessary tension and stress—and eventual paralysis.

The antidote to negative thinking is trust. Trust yourself—you have a direct line to eternal wisdom, and expressing your feelings clears up the static so you'll know what is most important for you in this moment. Trust your family and friends—they love you, they want to help, so let in the love they give you. Living as truthfully as you can—including when you're upset, frightened, or hurting—will put you in harmony with God’s plan for your life. Above all, trust Love—trust that you are surrounded with it, that your loved ones love you back, that you were created by Love, and, when it's time, you will be re-created by Love. Trust the blessings of life—even the worst things will somehow turn out to be a blessing, though you may not be able to see it now. Eternal Wisdom is so much bigger than we are, and we cannot understand all its workings, but “all the Power that ever was or will be, is here now” and we are all safe.

Whatever threatens our little ego-based world cannot touch that which is real within us. There is no need to be paralyzed, to be afraid, to hesitate. 

By. Tina B. Tessina

Mindfulness.

"Mindfulness is being aware of yourself, others, and your surroundings in the moment.  When consciously and kindly focusing awareness on life as it unfolds minute by precious minute, you are better able to savor each experience.  Also, being closely attentive gives you the opportunity to change unwise or painful feelings and responses quickly.  In fact, being truly present in a mindful way is an excellent stress reducer and, because of that, can be seen as consciousness conditioning, a strengthening workout for body, mind, heart, and spirit."
~ Sue Patton Thoele

Free Yourself By “Letting Go” of What You Can’t Control.

We all want to feel like we’re in control of our life and are masters of our destiny.

Think of a time when things started to feel out of control in your life. How did you feel? What did you do?

Did you do everything in your power to regain control, and cling to the little bit of direction you had left?

Many people become consumed with what they can’t control and obsessed with making things different.

"If we ever want true emotional well-being and spiritual freedom we have to learn to “let go” of what we can’t control."

When we dwell on what is out of our control, whether something that happened to us in the past, or something we’re awaiting in the future, it prevents us from experiencing the beauty in the moment and having peace of mind.

The paradox of control

The more we try to control things the less control we will experience. Things will inevitably be different than we expect and can change in an instant. When we can embrace that things are ever changing we begin to loosen our grip on the many areas of life we try to hold sway over.

When we desire control and don’t have it, it leads to worrying and agitation. We become irrational and start thinking about all the negative things that could happen. The more control we crave the more we begin to live from fear and desperation.

Here are a few ideas to help you “let go”.

Is it that you can’t or you won’t?

This is an important question to ask yourself to help you “let go” of the emotional burden that comes with a desire for control. Ask yourself, “Is this a situation where I can’t change or I won’t change.”

Sometimes we feel like we can’t make a change, “I can’t quite my job.” “I can’t give up this salary.” “I can’t get into college.” “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…” Statement such as these set us up to feel out of control.

Usually it’s not that we can’t, but that we won’t.

When we can accept we won’t change it makes it much easier to let go and move forward. From this perspective, we have a choice in the matter.

Accentuate the positive

When we don’t feel in control it’s easy to focus on what’s going wrong and how terrible things are. We start to feel dis-empowered and lose perspective on our capabilities.

We may start catastrophizing about all the horrible things that could happen and have trouble looking beyond the immediate situation.

By learning to focus on what’s going right and not letting our situation consume our thoughts, we not only experience less distress but will be able to think more clearly and problem solve more effectively.

Stay mindful and breath

Mindfulness is an approach to experiencing life moment by moment. When we are mindful we can deal with our situation without being judgmental or critical of ourselves or the circumstances.

When we feel unpleasant we don’t have to get caught up in this. We can relax and step back, instead of brooding in this negative state.

Work to be mindful of your breath. Just pay attention to your natural breathing. You can also be mindful of your senses, or your thoughts. The goal is to remain present and nonjudgmental of what is taking place.

Being aware can help simplify a situation and make if easier to deal with it.

Visualize your desired outcome

Visualization is one of the most powerful ways to overcome fears and push past uneasiness. All successful musicians, athletes, and performers visualize themselves completing the task that awaits them.

Visualization is different than simply day dreaming or fantasizing about an outcome we desire. We must take action and put in the work necessary to make a change.

Despite what is taking place at the time we can visualize a successful outcome. This will give us psychological and emotional support to stay motivated and able to persevere, and it will keep our thinking focused on what we desire and prevent us from feeling overwhelmed or panicked.

Keep a sense of humor

Have you ever noticed that when things aren’t going the way we planned, even the smallest things can start to cause stress? When under stress we become overly serious and neglect the many moments of pleasure and gratification that surround us.

Humor can really cut tension and lighten-up a difficult situation.

When things seem bleak looking at things from a humorous perspective can help lighten the load. Look for humor in serious situations and use this as a tool to release your grip on control.

Focus on what you can control

When life seems completely out of control, there is always something amidst the chaos that can help us regain a sense of control.

It may be something very small, and if nothing else we can always learn to control our attitude.

We can’t control everything that takes place, but we can learn to focus on what we can do personally and how we can make a change. This helps us move beyond a victim mentality and to feel empowered to take action.

 Joe Wilner M.A. C.C.P.

When it comes to love.

"When it comes to love, so many times it is so hard to let go of what we can't control because we are busy holding on to false expectations. Emotionally attaching yourself to your own sentiments rather than facing reality can actually make you a victim of your own personal desires. Everyone is uniquely different, with personalities, standards and limitations. Where one can give abundantly, someone else may not be able to give at all. To put expectations on others of that which I expect of myself, is not fair to them or me. More times than not, this leads to disappointment and dissension. Hold on to hope, but let go of expectations. What will be will be. You can’t make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to the person to realize your worth." 

Wishing you...

"Wishing you laughter to put a song in your heart and fill your days with smiles.

Wishing you wonder to spark your imagination and add a special richness to life.

Wishing you beauty to delight our senses and color your dreams with joy."

~ Unknown

6 WAYS TO ELIMINATE FEAR.

#1:  GET OVER THE PAST

Over 99% of the fear you will experience in this lifetime is not from any real imminent danger. The mind loves to re-think about the past you lived and then project them into the present. Train your mind to focus on the present and forget about your past. Stop beating yourself up over something that happened one year ago!

Usually, no real drama lies in the present moment.  Your fear only exists in your thoughts about the future, such as your fear of losing your loved one after he or she had one stroke. That moment is in the past, so now you have the duty to think positive.  Life in your head is conceptualized, analyzed, thought-created reality that leaves you susceptible to all sorts of imagined future fears.

The present moment should be all that exists. In doing so, you are setting youself free from your fear.

#2:  LOOK DEEP INTO YOUR FEAR

Okay, you should look deep into your fear, and by this I mean you should determine what exactly is causing it. Be honest with yourself and let your defence barriers down. What are you most afraid of and why? Chances are, the direct “fear” is not what you’re afraid of at all. You are afraid of the relevant issues surrounding it. If you’re afraid of doing public speaches, you may just be afraid of saying the wrong thing and being laughed at. This, however, does not make you any less of a human being. Examine what makes you afraid and remind yourself that you’re going to be okay.

#3:  GO WITH YOUR FEAR

With fear, you can can either resist it or you can flow with it.  By resisting fear, you’re just strengthening it. By flowing with fear, you’re weakening it and eventually you can ignore it. This is the outcome you want, so remember to “Go with the flow”.

#4:  TRUST YOURSELF

Trusting yourself when you live in fear is very important because it gives you the significance on your life. Some may believe that love erases fear. This is not always the case. Some fears, such as childhood trauma, need to be assisted with through clinical counselling. It allows you to get insight on what is really bothering you and how to go about addressing it.  Trust is the antidote to fear and this trust is simply a trust in life.  You should trust that life is what you need for your highest growth and evolution to occur.  Everything has a reason, as my mother told me. We may not understand it right away, but it’s there. We just need to trust ourselves.

#5: ACT ON YOUR FEAR

Most often, this can be a very dreadful thing. You may not be ready to face your fear. Perhaps, you need to face your fear with someone you trust and is close to you. For example, if you fear of taking the elevator, go with a friend to the elevator and bush the button to open the door. Now, keep the door open and walk out of the elevator. You will have a feeling of complete relief. Next, you and your trusted companion can go to the next stage and take the elevator one floor up. After that, you can try taking the elevator alone. Remember that overcoming a fear takes patience and trust on your part.

#6:  SHIFTING YOUR FOCUS

When you focus on negativity and on your fear, you are attracting more negative energy into your life. Ever notice how positive, confident people attract more people of the like? Fear can’t survive in the high vibration.  Always focus on positive energies and outcomes.  Don’t let fear take your energy away.

Also, you’re disconnecting yourself from what really is the reality when you focus on your fear and what it may do to you. Fear perpetuates the illusion of separation so it makes a situation appear more dramatic than it really is. Re-connect with yourself and surround yourself around positive people. You will see a change and you will approve of it.

Stacy Zahn

The Secret to Not Caring What People Think.

Whether it is becoming plugged into our identity, quitting alcohol or even becoming more confident, our worry of what people think can really affect us. From the jobs we choose, to the people we date and the risks we take, we often limit our actions through fear of criticism or judgment from others.

This is a serious issue, and a problem many people experience, therefore I’ve taken my personal experience and the advice of others to reveal the secrets to not caring what people think.

Why we Care what people Think

First of all, I want to say that sometimes caring what people think is not a bad idea; the part of our mind that produces this fear is often in place to protect us. For example, if we didn’t care what anybody thought then we might go out and kill somebody or run through shopping centers completely naked. These are extreme examples but should help you understand why the mindset is in place.

I’ve spent months trying to understand why we care what people think, and as (surprisingly) usual, the answer is relatively simple and the heart of what this website is about. The reason we care what people think is because we base our identity on their judgments of us, positive or negative. Because we think that part of our identity is how people view us (funny, cool, confident, shy) then we must protect that so that our identity is not affected. "What people say about you is none of your business." - Sean Stephensen

Of course, your identity is not what people think of you, it is just…you. If you are doing something that makes you feel guilty within, then this is something you will have to deal with beforehand.

How to (partially) not Care what People Think

Personally, I don’t think it is possible to completely stop caring what people think of us, and I don’t think that is such a bad thing. We are social creatures and that is how we learn, if we are acting like an idiot and someone notices then informs us, we may realise that we could have been acting more appropriately.

I realise that this is a very important topic to a lot of people – myself included – and therefore I have gone into detail with the following information to ensure that there is enough content to answer most questions and concerns. 

Imagine how different the world would be if we could all push to do the things we want to do, be the people we want to be and live how we want to live. Imagine how different the world would be if we were all plugged in…that is the aim of this business.

1. Stop Over-thinking

Although this is a website about empowering the readers, you are not the most important person in the world, at least not to others. It is probably in the majority of occasions that you think you are being judged where people don’t actually care for the thing you are worrying about. Do you judge every single person that you meet, probably not.

If you do, you might want to sort out that side of your life first as there’s no wonder you care what people think of you. The best way to test it is to push your limits a little, do something that is a bit out of the ordinary for you and see how people react. Chances are that only your “friends” might notice the change and make comments, but a random stranger really won’t care.

2. Put things into perspective

To people that aren’t naturally concerned what others think about them, having an issue with it seems quite strange or even silly. The reason is that when you put ‘issues’ like this under the microscope you can see they are really not worth having. 

You only get ONE chance at life in the physical world and you are going to allow other people’s thoughts make it less enjoyable?

Sounds silly now doesn’t it.

Apart from the fact that life really is too short to worry about things like this, the other aspect is that people’s feelings change. For example, say one moment people insult you for wearing yellow trainers, therefore you think they shouldn’t be worn and that is the last time you wear them. What if this persons opinions change, and they start wearing yellow shoes themselves; is that the only time you’ll put your trainers back on?

I used to know a boy who was bullied for growing his hair long, yet within 6 months, more than half the boys in my year (including those who insulted him) grew theirs as well. People change their minds, so what they judge you on now might not matter in the future. Are you going to wait until something is deemed cool or acceptable to be the person you want to be? Hopefully questions like this help you put things into perspective.

3. Be confident in your actions

Seeing as it’s likely we’ll always have some thought towards the feelings of others, what if we could really eliminate the amount of times it happens? Well, you can. The trick, if you want to call it that, is to simply be more confident in the decisions and actions you are taking.

Have you never seen someone that might be wearing something out of the ordinary or acting different to the surrounding crowd but things just seem normal and they aren’t being judged?

If you are wearing yellow shoes and are clearly uncomfortable in your choice then people are going to target you because they can see that and they probably want to feel good about themselves. However, if you can wear the shoes with pride and confidence, whilst clearly not caring what other people think then you’ll notice the negative reactions to be very small if any.

4. Learn to control your emotions

When you start to try things like pushing your limits or simply being more confident, you will undoubtedly have mixed emotions in your head. From stress, worry and fear, to relief and happiness, it can be a bit of a mind roller coaster; that is where controlling your emotions comes in.

The simple practice I learned from Eckhart Tolle goes a bit like this:

• Be conscious of an emotion inside you i.e. fear or worry
• Observe it within your mind
• Notice that if you are observing it, it can’t be a part of you
• Watch the emotion disappear

As soon as you observe an emotion, you are separating yourself from it and thus it can no longer exist.

5. Accept yourself for who you are

If you are constantly judging yourself then there will be no doubt to the fact that you’ll judge what other people think of you. The main cause for this is often self-limiting beliefs or society has made you think there is something wrong with you. Understandably, accepting yourself is not the easiest thing to do but there are things that help.

First of all, think of all the things that you don’t like about yourself and write them down. Now, look at them more closely and see if there is a possibility to change them. For example, if you are thin and don’t like that, then look at ways in which you can gain weight and bulk up. However, If you wish you were taller, it’s not exactly something you can change. For this, look at what could be worse, for example if you are 5″ 7′ and really don’t like that, just think that at least you are not 8″ 7′ or even 5″. You might not be at your perfectly desired height but there are people “worse off”.

These things are more of a temporary solution, as if you constantly look towards helping yourself by seeing people who are worse off or looking to change yourself, you can never accept you. As time goes by and you realise how unimportant the things you thought were, actually aren't and things get easier and your level of caring will plummet rapidly.

Glen Allsop

The 10 Essential Habits of Positive People.

Are you waiting for life events to turn out the way you want so that you can feel more positive about your life? Do you find yourself having pre-conditions to your sense of well-being, thinking that certain things must happen for you to be happier? Do you think there is no way that your life stresses can make you anything other than “stressed out” and that other people just don’t understand?  If your answer is “yes” to any of these questions, you might find yourself lingering in the land of negativity for too long!
The following are some tips to keep positive no matter what comes your way. This post will help you stop looking for what psychologists call “positivity” in all the wrong places!  Here are the ten essential habits of positive people.
1. Positive people don’t confuse quitting with letting go.
Instead of hanging on to ideas, beliefs, and even people that are no longer healthy for them, they trust their judgement to let go of negative forces in their lives.  Especially in terms of relationships, they subscribe to The Relationship Prayer which goes:

 I will grant myself the ability to trust the healthy people in my life … 

To set limits with, or let go of, the negative ones … 

And to have the wisdom to know the DIFFERENCE!

 2.  Positive people don’t just have a good day – they make a good day.

Waiting, hoping and wishing seldom have a place in the vocabulary of positive individuals. Rather, they use strong words that are pro-active and not reactive. Passivity leads to a lack of involvement, while positive people get very involved in constructing their lives. They work to make changes to feel better in tough times rather than wish their feelings away.

3. For the positive person, the past stays in the past.

Good and bad memories alike stay where they belong – in the past where they happened. They don’t spend much time pining for the good ol’ days because they are too busy making new memories now. The negative pulls from the past are used not for self-flagellation or unproductive regret, but rather productive regret where they use lessons learned as stepping stones towards a better future.

4. Show me a positive person and I can show you a grateful person.

The most positive people are the most grateful people.  They do not focus on the potholes of their lives.  They focus on the pot of gold that awaits them every day, with new smells, sights, feelings and experiences.  They see life as a treasure chest full of wonder.

5. Rather than being stuck in their limitations, positive people are energized by their possibilities.

Optimistic people focus on what they can do, not what they can’t do.  They are not fooled to think that there is a perfect solution to every problem, and are confident that there are many solutions and possibilities.  They are not afraid to attempt new solutions to old problems, rather than spin their wheels expecting things to be different this time.  They refuse to be like Charlie Brown expecting that this time Lucy will not pull the football from him!

6. Positive people do not let their fears interfere with their lives!

Positive people have observed that those who are defined and pulled back by their fears never really truly live a full life. While proceeding with appropriate caution, they do not let fear keep them from trying new things. They realize that even failures are necessary steps for a successful life. They have confidence that they can get back up when they are knocked down by life events or their own mistakes, due to a strong belief in their personal resilience.

7. Positive people smile a lot!

When you feel positive on the inside it is like you are smiling from within, and these smiles are contagious. Furthermore, the more others are with positive people, the more they tend to smile too! They see the lightness in life, and have a sense of humor even when it is about themselves. Positive people have a high degree of self-respect, but refuse to take themselves too seriously!

8. People who are positive are great communicators.

They realize that assertive, confident communication is the only way to connect with others in everyday life.  They avoid judgmental, angry interchanges, and do not let someone else’s blow up give them a reason to react in kind. Rather, they express themselves with tact and finesse.  They also refuse to be non-assertive and let people push them around. They refuse to own problems that belong to someone else.

9. Positive people realize that if you live long enough, there are times for great pain and sadness.

One of the most common misperceptions about positive people is that to be positive, you must always be happy. This can not be further from the truth. Anyone who has any depth at all is certainly not happy all the time.  Being sad, angry, disappointed are all essential emotions in life. How else would you ever develop empathy for others if you lived a life of denial and shallow emotions? Positive people do not run from the gamut of emotions, and accept that part of the healing process is to allow themselves to experience all types of feelings, not only the happy ones. A positive person always holds the hope that there is light at the end of the darkness.  

10. Positive person are empowered people – they refuse to blame others and are not victims in life.

Positive people seek the help and support of others who are supportive and safe.They limit interactions with those who are toxic in any manner, even if it comes to legal action and physical estrangement such as in the case of abuse. They have identified their own basic human rights, and they respect themselves too much to play the part of a victim. There is no place for holding grudges with a positive mindset. Forgiveness helps positive people become better, not bitter.

How about you?  How many habits of positive people do you personally find in yourself?  If you lack even a few of these 10 essential habits, you might find that the expected treasure at the end of the rainbow was not all that it was cracked up to be. How could it — if you keep on bringing a negative attitude around?

I wish you well in keeping positive, because as we all know, there is certainly nothing positive about being negative!

By.  Judy Belmont

 

Eliminate the Negatives!

Stop reading the newspaper! Everyone acknowledges that the newspaper is mostly filled with negativity – murder, fire, war, disasters, etc. Stop feeding yourself with it! Believe me, you can’t help but be informed about major stories one way or another. We are bombarded. There is no need to go looking for it.

Stop watching TV news! The same issues that apply to newspapers apply to TV news. And there is one more caution in addition… When you go to sleep at night, the mind starts processing the last things it was exposed to. So, what’s the dumbest thing a person can do just before they go to sleep? WATCH THE TV NEWS!!! Stop watching it.

Stop seeking the negative on the internet! Ever hear the expression, “You get what you focus on”? If you seek out negativity, you find it and it becomes your reality. I had a friend who, as Y2K approached, was absolutely convinced that the world would come to an end (almost literally). Every night, he would spend hours on the internet reading about all the terrible things that were sure to happen at the stroke of midnight. He pleaded with me to stockpile food and water. He never spoke to me again after January 1, 2000. He really believed all his fears would come to fruition. He had sought out and focused on the negatives and came to believe them. Don’t dwell on seeking out and reading about negatives.

Stop hanging around negative people! Ever notice that all the folks with negative, small-minded attitudes always hang out together and all the successful, big-minded people hang out together as well? Coincidence? NO! Remove yourself from the negative crowd. Avoid negative people as much as possible.

Introduce Positives
Start hanging around positive people! Positive association is one of the keys to success. Positive association leads to creativity, partnerships, solutions, and bigger dreams. Mark Twain once said, “Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

Start reading! It’s often said that the books you read and the people you associate with determine where you will be in five years. Where do you want to be? Start reading books about people you admire. Read personal growth books, books on success principles, books about others who overcame challenges, and motivational books.

Start listening! Start using your windshield time as a time to learn and grow. Instead of mindlessly listening to music or talk on the radio, pop in a tape or CD. Listen to audio books, motivational CD’s, or even music that lifts and energizes you. Create a mix of music on tape or CD that gets you and your attitude fired up for that next meeting, presentation, or prospect.

By acquiring, maintaining, and protecting a positive attitude, you will see your success grow and your enjoyment of life improve. You’ll become more attractive (in every way) and will increasingly find other like-minded people to be around.

By. Michael Beck

Dissolving Past Pain and Moving Forward In Your Life.

Have you ever been hurt so badly that you thought you’d never come out on the other side? Perhaps you’re still holding onto that grief. If you are, then it’s time to learn how to let go of past pain. You deserve to let it go and learn how to move forward with your life.

Holding onto past pain and anguish is a kind of self-inflicted torture that can cause serious health risks as well as emotional scarring. The truth is, when you cling to the past, you’re internally changing your present.

How can something you’ve kept inside for so long just be let go? It’s not an easy task, but it can be done with a little effort and self-reflection.

Here are some ways you can let go of past pain and disappointment, so you can move forward with your head held high:

1. Know what’s holding you back. What are you holding onto and why? Identify the things you’re keeping inside that you shouldn’t be.

• For example, maybe your best friend betrayed you in a way that broke your trust. Recognize this and figure out a way to finally deal with it. Get in touch with them again, then explain the pain they’ve caused.

• They may not even be aware they did anything to upset you. Whether or not they apologize isn’t important. While it may be nice, you can’t control others or force them to say sorry. However, by simply voicing your feelings, you are finding closure from the hurtful situation.

• Getting closure on something that was left open-ended can make a huge difference in letting things go.

2. Talk it out. If the person who caused the hurt is still in your life, talk to them about the way they made you feel. If that person isn’t available, try to talk to a close friend or professional therapist about the situation.

• Getting your emotions out in the open can help you get over any resentment or anger you may be feeling. Bottling up your emotions is never a good thing. Let it all out in a constructive way and you’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll feel.

3. Forgive and forget. It may sound easier said than done, but forgiving someone who has hurt you can be extremely therapeutic. Strive to let things stay in the past and don’t allow them to affect your present.

• Once you learn to forgive the people who’ve caused your pain, you will find it far easier to heal and move on with your life.

4. Make the first move. You’re in charge of your pain. You’re the one who carries it around with you and you’re the only one who can change its intensity. It’s up to you to take control of the pain and take the first step towards making yourself feel better.

• Acknowledge that your pain is real and that a positive solution exists.
• Confront the cause of the pain and do everything in your power to get rid of it.

The best way to move forward is to forgive the past. If you can’t change the past, you might as well learn to accept it and move on. You’ll be glad you did once you see just how bright your future can be when you regain control of your life.

Make the conscious decision, today, to live your life free from pain and resentment.

By.  http://www.mindreality.net

5 Secrets to Loving Yourself.

Self talk, the little voice in your head, the tape that runs over and over; these are all powerful words to describe how you feel about yourself.  If your self esteem and self-talk tends to be filled with put downs and negative affirmations of the essence of you, then how can you ever love yourself?  If you do not love yourself, how can you ever expect anyone else to love you?  Love yourself first!  Love yourself enough.  Empower yourself and you do the work.  The Universal Laws of Attraction suggest that you get and receive as much love as you give out. 

1.  Change your thoughts. What are you feeding your mind?  Have a visual of a stop sign.  When you begin calling yourself down, immediately stop your little voice and replace it with all the wonderful things that you are.

2.  Change your energy.  Garbage in, garbage out.  What are you feeding your body?  If your are feeding it garbage also known as junk food, then how can you expect to feel good about yourself?  Feed your body with healthy foods such as fruits and veggies. 

3.  Change your behavior 1.  What are you feeding your soul? Get an elastic band or something elastic and put it on your wrist.  When you catch yourself and stop yourself from saying something negative about yourself or others, transfer it to your other wrist.  Within one week of bringing this behavior to your conscious attention, you will likely be using more positive self talk.

4.  Change your behavior 2.  What are you feeding your emotions? Confront your fears.  What is the worst possible thing that can happen to you if you do that?  You will love yourself and be empowered with higher self esteem.

5.  Random Acts of Kindness.  Be an angel!  Choose to do something for someone else, preferably a stranger.  The research shows that when we do this we feel better about ourselves.  Keep it a delicious secret that you can hug to yourself!

By. Sherrie Hay

Reflection Questions

1. What are 4 things I say in my head when I get upset with myself? How can I consciously change that self talk habit?
2. What are 4 things I can do to pamper myself so that I feel good today?
3. One a scale of 1-10 how well do I love myself?  5 = average, 10 is top of the scale.
4. What are 4 ways in which I can easily perform an angel act or Random Act of Kindness?

Take a chance performing Life’s dance

Love yourself first!

"Instead of looking for love, give it;

constantly renew it in yourself and

you will always feel its presence within you.

It will always be there smiling at you,

gazing on you kindly."

(Omraam Mikhael Aivanhov)

12 Tough Truths that Help You Grow.

As you look back on your life, you will often realize that many of the times you thought you were being rejected from something good, you were in fact being redirected to something better.  You can’t control everything.  Sometimes you just need to relax and have faith that things will work out.  Let go a little and just let life happen.  Because sometimes the truths you can’t change, end up changing you and helping you grow.

Here are twelve such truths…

1. Everything is as it should be.  It’s crazy how you always end up where you’re meant to be – how even the most tragic and stressful situations eventually teach you important lessons that you never dreamed you were going to learn.  Remember, oftentimes when things are falling apart, they are actually falling into place.
2. Not until you are lost in this world can you begin to find your true self.  Realizing you are lost is the first step to living the life you want.  The second step is leaving the life you don’t want.  Making a big life change is pretty scary.  But you know what’s even scarier?  Regret.  Vision without action is a daydream, and action without vision is a nightmare.  Your heart is free, have the courage to follow it.  Read Awaken the Giant Within (Abridged) by Robbins, Anthony/ Robbins, Antho (Google Affiliate Ad)
3. It’s usually the deepest pain which empowers you to grow to your full potential.  It’s the scary, stressful choices that end up beingthe most worthwhile.  Without pain, there would be no change.  But remember, pain, just like everything in life, is meant to be learned from and then released.
4. One of the hardest decisions you will ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or take another step forward.  If you catch yourself in a cycle of trying to change someone, or defending yourself again someone who is trying to change you, walk away.  But if you are pursuing a dream, take another step.  And don’t forget that sometimes this step will involve modifying your dream, or planning a new one – it’s OK to change your mind or have more than one dream.
5. You have to take care of yourself first.  Before befriending others, you have to be your own friend.  Before correcting others, you have to correct yourself.  Before making others happy, you have to make yourself happy.  It’s not called selfishness, it’s called personal development.  Once you balance yourself, only then can you balance the world around you. Read Psycho-Cybernetics.
6. One of the greatest freedoms is truly not caring what everyone else thinks of you.  As long as you are worried about what others think of you, you are owned by them.  Only when you require no approval from outside yourself, can you own yourself.
7. You may need to be single for awhile before you realize that, although the co-owned belongings from your failed relationships might not have been divided equally, the issues that destroyed the relationships likely were.  For how can you stand confidently alone, or see the same issues arising in your newest relationship, and not realize which broken pieces belong to you?  Owning your issues, and dealing with them, will make you far happier in the long run, than owning anything else in this world.
8. The only thing you can absolutely control is how you react to things out of your control.  The more you can adapt to the situations in life, the more powerful your highs will be, and the more quickly you’ll be able to bounce back from the lows in your life.  Put most simply: being at peace means being in a state of complete acceptance of all that is, right here, right now.
9. Some people will lie to you.  Remember, an honest enemy is better than a friend who lies.  Pay less attention to what people say, and more attention to what they do.  Their actions will show you the truth, which will help you measure the true quality of your relationship in the long-term.
10. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never have enough.  If you are thankful for what you do have, you will end up having even more.  Happiness resides not in possessions, and not in gold; happiness dwells in the soul.  Abundance is not about how much you have, it’s how you feel about what you have.  When you take things for granted, your happiness gets taken away.  Read The Happiness Project.
11. Yes, you have failed in the past.  But don’t judge yourself by your past, you don’t live there anymore.  Just because you’re not where you want to be today doesn’t mean you won’t be there someday.  You can turn it all around in the blink of an eye by making a simple choice to stand back up – to try again, to love again, to live again, and to dream again.
12. Everything is going to be alright; maybe not today, but eventually.  There will be times when it seems like everything that could possibly go wrong is going wrong.  And you might feel like you will be stuck in this rut forever, but you won’t.  Sure the sun stops shining sometimes, and you may get a huge thunderstorm or two, but eventually the sun will come out to shine.  Sometimes it’s just a matter of us staying as positive as possible in order to make it to see the sunshine break through the clouds again.

Via www.marcandangel.com

Free Yourself By “Letting Go” of What You Can’t Control.

We all want to feel like we’re in control of our life and are masters of our destiny.

Think of a time when things started to feel out of control in your life. How did you feel? What did you do?

Did you do everything in your power to regain control, and cling to the little bit of direction you had left?

Many people become consumed with what they can’t control and obsessed with making things different.

If we ever want true emotional well-being and spiritual freedom we have to learn to “let go” of what we can’t control.

When we dwell on what is out of our control, whether something that happened to us in the past, or something we’re awaiting in the future, it prevents us from experiencing the beauty in the moment and having peace of mind.

The paradox of control

The more we try to control things the less control we will experience. Things will inevitably be different than we expect and can change in an instant. When we can embrace that things are ever changing we begin to loosen our grip on the many areas of life we try to hold sway over.

When we desire control and don’t have it, it leads to worrying and agitation. We become irrational and start thinking about all the negative things that could happen. The more control we crave the more we begin to live from fear and desperation.

Here are a few ideas to help you “let go”.

Is it that you can’t or you won’t?

This is an important question to ask yourself to help you “let go” of the emotional burden that comes with a desire for control. Ask yourself, “Is this a situation where I can’t change or I won’t change.”

Sometimes we feel like we can’t make a change, “I can’t quite my job.” “I can’t give up this salary.” “I can’t get into college.” “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…” Statement such as these set us up to feel out of control.

Usually it’s not that we can’t, but that we won’t.

When we can accept we won’t change it makes it much easier to let go and move forward. From this perspective, we have a choice in the matter.

Accentuate the positive

When we don’t feel in control it’s easy to focus on what’s going wrong and how terrible things are. We start to feel disempowered and lose perspective on our capabilities.

We may start catastrophizing about all the horrible things that could happen and have trouble looking beyond the immediate situation.

By learning to focus on what’s going right and not letting our situation consume our thoughts, we not only experience less distress but will be able to think more clearly and problem solve more effectively.

Stay mindful and breath

Mindfulness is an approach to experiencing life moment by moment. When we are mindful we can deal with our situation without being judgmental or critical of ourselves or the circumstances.

When we feel unpleasant we don’t have to get caught up in this. We can relax and step back, instead of brooding in this negative state.

Work to be mindful of your breath. Just pay attention to your natural breathing. You can also be mindful of your senses, or your thoughts. The goal is to remain present and nonjudgmental of what is taking place.

Being aware can help simplify a situation and make if easier to deal with it.

Visualize your desired outcome

Visualization is one of the most powerful ways to overcome fears and push past uneasiness. All successful musicians, athletes, and performers visualize themselves completing the task that awaits them.

Visualization is different than simply day dreaming or fantasizing about an outcome we desire. We must take action and put in the work necessary to make a change.

Despite what is taking place at the time we can visualize a successful outcome. This will give us psychological and emotional support to stay motivated and able to persevere, and it will keep our thinking focused on what we desire and prevent us from feeling overwhelmed or panicked.

Keep a sense of humor

Have you ever noticed that when things aren’t going the way we planned, even the smallest things can start to cause stress? When under stress we become overly serious and neglect the many moments of pleasure and gratification that surround us.

Humor can really cut tension and lighten-up a difficult situation.

When things seem bleak looking at things from a humorous perspective can help lighten the load. Look for humor in serious situations and use this as a tool to release your grip on control.

Focus on what you can control

When life seems completely out of control, there is always something amidst the chaos that can help us regain a sense of control.

It may be something very small, and if nothing else we can always learn to control our attitude.

We can’t control everything that takes place, but we can learn to focus on what we can do personally and how we can make a change. This helps us move beyond a victim mentality and to feel empowered to take action.

By. Joe Wilner